Tuesday, January 8, 2008

What I Want

Fuck face recently had to gall to tell me that I wanted our relationship to end on the terms that it did. Considering how it began, and how it ended, this required a lot of gall. It required gall on oceanic scales. I am still very mad about this.

So, here's a nice heart-felt list.

I wish you would have asked me when you thought I was cheating on you.
I wish I had yelled more, so you would know I was upset.
I wish your family had never liked me, so that I could tell you what was on my mind.
I wish you had never gotten the YourMove job, so I wouldn't have to hold in my breakdown to deal with yours.
I wish you wouldn't have ask me to sleep around.
I wish you wanted to do more with your life.
I REALLY wish you had never called my Dad 'mate', thus tearing a family apart.
I wish I could've noticed when you broke down my self-esteem with months of guilt tripping.
I wish I had had the balls to leave you earlier, then maybe we could have had a chance.
I wish you didn't have the worst luck in the world.
I wish your weight had stayed the same, not for me, I like my pillow, but so that your self-esteem could have come back.
I wish you knew what nuance was.
I wish that I didn't feel like shouting Bruckheimer every time I see the word, it makes me think of you.
I wish we had had more in common.
I wish you'd learn to talk.
I wish I'd have learnt to just ease the hell up on your grammer, its not that important.
I wish you would have just said: Yes, I watch porn. You're human, I knew
I wish I'd cried in front of you, or loud enough to wake you up.
I wish it was you, and not Jacko, who stopped me slitting my throat.
I really wish you hadn't got Benny in the breakup
I wish you didn't hate anything above your 'class'. There's nothing wrong with yuppie things, just don't be one!
I wish that when I hurt you you didn't just tell me about everything I missed out on because I'm such a bitch, because knowing you it would've all gone wrong and we would have cried anyway.
I wish you didn't have a temper which still gives me nightmares, so that I could talk to you without fearing for my safety.
I wish you didn't love Millwall.
I wish I didn't understand why you love Millwall.
I wish that I could get upset without going into total cold hearted bitch mode so that you'd know I wasn't doing anything for the specific reason of hurting you
I wish you gave 2 shits how my day went.
I wish B&Q didn't occupy so many of your thoughts.
I wish you'd just grow up! When something hits you, don't sit there and cry. FIGHT!
I wish you hadn't wanted me to be a child. My Dad might have been gone, but I didn't need another one.
I wish people wouldn't keep leaving you in a heartbreaking fashion, so you could realise that sometimes its ok. Just because they're gone doesn't mean you're going anywhere.

I wish I didn't have hurt you, and failing that, I wish I didn't have to see you hurt.

I wish I could still love you like you love me, but its impossible.

So there. Fuck you. "What I want."

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