Monday, December 31, 2007

New Years Eve - Because everyone loves a party right?

Who celebrates New Years? Who I ask you? Actually I don't ask you because I have come up with a list. So screw you. (I'd also like to add a giant screw you to the person who gave me this topic. Stop feeling sorry for yourself you piece of metalized crap)

* People who like alcohol

I don't like these people. Don't get me wrong, I will drink when I'm in the company of other drunk people, because otherwise the entire experience is about as fun as being locked in a car with pillheads. Its just not something you aim for when you get out of bed in the morning. Its the people who actually like 'alcohol', meaning, the people who like getting shit-faced on it and nothing else, that bother me.

"Its a legal drug you know! Its my right to get plastered on a Friday! It helps me unwind!"

Indeed it does. It also helps you get hormonal, fuck anything that moves and boy do I mean anything in some cases, it increases your chances of injuring yourself, or committing violent crime, it helps you to make a complete ass of yourself and lose the ability to speak entirely.

You know whats a really nice way to calm down? Smoke a joint every night with a nice half-glass of red wine. That'll calm you the fuck down and maybe you'll even get introspective as the depressant works its magic on your barely used neurons.

Maybe thats just a pipe-dream.

* People who frequent nightclubs

This really gets me, and for no good reason whatsoever. Its harmless fun, and everyone seems to have a good time. But the chavness...oh the chavness! I am one of the most undignified people you will ever meet but dear God people! Decorum isn't just a fancy word. If you want to go to an orgy go to a goddamn orgy.

I should explain. People, in general, are idiots. I'm an idiot, but at least (I hope) I can hold an interesting conversation, and this is where 98% of people fall on their faces. Due to my hatred of humanity I tend to see people as prey. If you can't mindfuck someone, whats the point of letting them into your pants?

But I digress.

* 30 somethings who gave up their youth and thus seek to relive it, if only for one night a year.

These are the people who use the word 'party' as a verb and think disco is cute. Do I need to say more?

I should probably list some reasons why New Years Eve doesn't suck.

* The police won't bother you, at all

* You can steal from the drunk people

(They drop things, if I happen to find £50 on the floor, who am I to refuse that? Its a gift from the universe dammit)

* Taxi's are readily available

* You can sit and people watch and feel infinitely better about the state of your own sorry-ass life

There we go! Bitter much?

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