Invitation to tender

I have spent hours writing tenders. In one of my previous jobs it was one of the few things I had to do. I have also spent hours reviewing tenders, I know tenders intimately (though on our second date it looked bad for a while).

So! For those of you with less experience in the building/programming industries I offer these peices of advice:

1. The company who asked you to submit a price know they did it

Yes this may seem like rudimentary advice and I know you need to fill those pages up somehow. Telling your potential employer what they have asked you to do on the other hand is not one of the things they need to know from you. Try and fill the pages with content.

2. I know my own name

Much in the same vein as number 1. The potential employer knows who they are. Yes, it is an ego trip. But it is also pointless. Especially if all of the gentlemen get Esq. P.H.D. or Mr and all of the women get sweet sweet FA

3. We will be the judge of you

...has been approached due to the many years experience in the...field

This is a lie. If you knew why your potential employer had actually picked you to give a tender the banality of your very existance would probably cause you to weep like a little girl. If you have experience, why not show it with a detailed account of how you would manage the project ahead of you, followed by a price?

4. Wales is not better than London

I'm sorry you valley huggers, it just isn't

5. Recommending that we use you does not mean we will

This is quite possibly the single worst tender I have ever read. Where is the project management strategy? Jeez!

6. We already requested testimonials or as they are otherwise known 'references', do not ask us to request them again

Please remember at all times that you are in fact competing for our money with many other companies, one of which we have used numerous times before and are quite happy with. Do not waste our time

7. If you have worked for the Daily Mail, don't tell us

6. Going back to number 6, we have already requested a specification, do not send us an advertisement of yourselves followed by a request for a request for a project specification. All of the other companies have already submitted theirs. You are wasting my time. You were already given 2 months to complete this.

Oh I feel like a school-teacher.

Ok, that's it. I have read 11 pages of absolute drivel from what is supposed to be one of the best program development companies in the UK. Congratulations! You just lost yourself £20k!